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[06 Apr 2005|05:54pm] |
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new LJ but its friends only so i added everyone on my friends list already so just add it back!
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[05 Apr 2005|05:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
well appearantly i pulled a muscle right under my ribs so it feels like i broke my rib lol atleats my dad said its that lol oh well it snot liek they can do anything.
im really wondering if i jsut set myself up for more heartache with jason :/ and i dont think im supposed to feel this way.. but it sucks cause when im not with him it almsot feels liek i am and i hate not being iwth him but when i am i feel lik ei have to do this but i like it and hten again i dont.
i wish it were easier with him.
im pretty sure i lost ben as a great friend i wish me an dhim would have never gone out :( </3
I miss Justin and not just cause i havent seen him since we went to the movies but hes not around anymore and i miss him. <3
TV SUCKS!
*cant wait till Summer*
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[04 Apr 2005|05:25pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
wow i really need to loose weight.
haha
i guess one meal a day is going to be my new plan. an dno snacks. hmm
and its warmer so ill b eon teh trampoline alot now. and ill get randi on there cause i bet all that flub in her cheeks will be found to bounce with haha.!!! <3
i cant wait for this summer its gunna be great.. lizzerz world here comes semon!!
and my moms bringin gmy wave runner up to the camper so i wont be bored and stuck on the beach alll the time!!
i need to find someone else to bring up there since kirsten wont be..
anyone wanna come with me!!!!!?
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[27 Mar 2005|08:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
hmm.. on friday i went and seen the ring 2 yet again with jason and josh but josh paid for me so oh well.
we walked back to the mall afterwords and had a blast haha
josh got accused of stealing an dhe didnt even do it haha. sucker
i pushed his ass into the pond by the mall (on ohio st) and his whoel leg was soaked
hahahahaha fagget!!!
then i came home and blah blah blah.
saturday i sat at home and cleane dmy whole room.. its actually clean now and im proud of that haah
sunday we all went to my grammas for easter alexa got introuble as always.. stupid sibling.. damn we playe dliek 20 games of pool haha.
it was great..
and now im watching the notebook so goodbye
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[25 Mar 2005|12:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
well last night was ooober fun.. school sucked Kirsten called me a fat ass for no reason.
i got hit on by a blakc boy in my history class it was funny. got to spend 8th hour with stacy again!!
then i came home and called justin to find out the plans for tonight.
we went to the mall for an hour or so and stoel some stuff lol.. then we walked to westgate to see the ring 2 it was funny i guess but there was liek 8 idiiots in front of us who talked the whoel time i threw popcorn at the them and told them to shut the fuck up and i almost threw my open pepsi at them but jusitn grabbed it from me.. grr!!
im not sure what im supposed to do today.. i think me and tyler made plans but i also made plans wiht julie and i bet money they both fail haha.. oh well.
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[22 Mar 2005|09:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
Sunday- went to cassidy's birthday party had lovely cake and messed with Aunt chris. me and alexa had a lovely talk about movies, friends, guys gettign each othe rup the buts and blah blah blah haha.
Monday- Went to kelsie's after school and walked to concordia. Saw Alex and Miss Buckentine. it was nice seeing my old teachers they all liek smiled when they saw me and i wa sliek gah!!!! haha. alex is so different in school than out of school its hilarious!!!!
afterwards we walked back to kelsies and i helped her spiffyup her myspace. then i went home and did homework. only not haha
today- some nigger brought a gun to school and got caught.. faggot.!!!!! i hate case its such bullshit
im really tired me and ryan got into a fight gah then he took my gum!! i will kill him and i dunno yet but yeah.
as sad as it may seem i think i can honestly say i do miss those middle school days even though i dreaded every morning i woke up for school but i miss it.. i miss the comfort i had and jsut everything. you'd never think that considering i was always in troubbble and rebeled against all their rules :(
i think im gunna just take a shwoer and go to bed since im tired an dbored and noones really talking to me or anything so yeah.
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[19 Mar 2005|06:14pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
The concert was great.. me and kelsie had alot of fun..
then kendal was liek tkaing for ever and we froze our asses off haha.
in the car we counted over 70 conversations that randomly happened between kendal and her friend it was amazing
this summer im going to spend a week with Liz in beeleelville.
it shodul be great to get away from racine for a little while.. then hopefully i can go to my moms and get away even longer.
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[18 Mar 2005|04:31pm] |
well today is the matchbook romance concert stacy cant go but kelsie and i are going so thats good. i was going to invite randi but i didnt think shed be able to nor want to.. sh enever does..
i wish my head didnt hurt right now.
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[17 Mar 2005|03:01pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
i could say im fine all you want to hear but i'd only be lieing not only to you but to myself.
i know im not happy. nothing feels the same anymore. things even taste different. the excitement i got from most things is gone and its not coming back.
it feels like the friends i've had all mylife are just sick of hearing it and dont care anymore.
its like im only here for there needs and not getting any of my own. im sick of just randomly crying for no reason.. even though there is a reason i just dont know.
i may only be 15 but i think i've suffered alot of depression so far in my life than i should have. my life really isnt that bad compared to some but its not my life thats bad its my feelings.
some say im just to sensitive adn need to tuffen up but thats not it at all. i feel completly alone.
a person i met only once and havent known very long at all is there for me more than anyone else.
(im sick of you shrugs maybe its ur way or trying to care or what but it doesnt help it feels like you dont care)
people wonder why i skip class so much.. im never sick.. only twice have i actually been sick to stay home.. the rest i was in my room crying or throwing up or at home overdoseing and cutting myself
but you wouldnt know because you never notice im not at school!
i wish you were here like u used to be.. i miss it the most.
thanks liz <3
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[15 Mar 2005|04:37pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
Hurray for kleenex with lotion!!!
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[14 Mar 2005|05:48pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
I dont understand.
im ill..
physically mentally and mostly emotionally.
im depressed and i dont know why.. i have no reasoning at all.
im always tired.. i dont sleep much though.
i cant seem to eat much or anything i had chicken selects this entire weekend and that was it.
i feel like its pointless to waste space and air.
i just want it all to end and its pathetic cause its so typical and it wont stop.
i miss her. i shoudlnt but i do.. i see he rin the halls once in a while and i just want things to be fine again.. i wish things could go back to the way they were.. even though i was always worried and scared fo rher i miss it. i felt like i had a point then.. lik ei was supposed to protect her.. and now i have nothing..
i cry for no appearant reason.. and it never ends.
im done complaining now.. i do that alot.
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[13 Mar 2005|08:51pm] |
[12 Mar 2005|11:05pm]
[ mood | blank ]
--About You--
Name:sami
Rank: ?
Serial Number: :shrugs:
Age: 15
Weight: fat.
Height: 5'2 ish?
Eye Color: poodey green
Hair Color: it was blonde but i dye it too much so umm yeah
Marital Status: single.
State of Residence: WI
Occupation: highschool.
Religion: lutheran but i dont beleiv ein god
Siblings: ryan mitch and shaw
--Favorites--
Color: navy and red
Animal: ducky
Book: model
T.V. Show: inuyasha
Movie: donnie darko life as a house mona lisa smile
Reality T.V.: shrugs"
Food: chinese food and subway
Time of Day: night.
Room in Your House: my room
Time of year: autumn.
Website: i dont know.
OS system: uh..
Computer Game: i'm not a nerd.
Online Game: ''
Video Game: zelda.
Brand of Clothing: whatever i buy.
Type of Shoe: adio
Store: wherever
Toy: i dont play with toys anymore.
Junk Food: gardettos
Comic Book: no se.
Cartoon: everything.
Restaurant: hong kong buffet in minn.
Car: :shrugs:
Magazine: i dont know.
Actor: hugh grant
Actress: natalie portman or sandra bullock
Political Figure: my ass
Author: umm?
--Favorites in Music--
Song when You're Happy: everything.
Song when You're Sad: everything.
Song when Your Angry: everything.
Song when Your Heart is Breaking: everything.
Song when You're Feeling Mellow: frekin' everything.
Song to Dance to: shimmy shimmy quarter turn or in other words, the dancing song.
Song to Sing Along to: autumns monologue
Romantic Song: umm
Love Song: everything i listen to deals with love in some way.
--Your Friends--
Do you have friends: yeah..
Are you sure: yeah.
Positive: yep.
Well, fine don't get cranky: :shrugs:
Best Female Friend:kelsie beki liz
Best Male Friend: justin jason tyler ben
Best Online Female Friend: Liz but i met her so shes my new best friend so now i ahve to ad her to the list upthere
Best Online Male Friend: andy!!
Smartest Friend: andy
Dumbest Friend: JJ
Friend you have the most fun with: all of them.
Friend you don't really like: They aren't friends then.
Friend that's always in trouble: jj and kelsie
Sadest Friend: beki.. shes mysterious <3
Loneliest: apearantly i am
Happiest: depends on their mood.
Which will end up in jail first: jason or jsutin
Be the first to get married: liz
Be the first to have kids: kelsie
Talented: peter
Artistic: peter
Funniest: hmm..
Dependable: beki
Most like you: haha umm none of them.. they're not lonley haha jk umm none of them anymore
Most unlike you: jj
Trustworthy: beki
Gossip: everyone does.
Quietest: beki
Loudest: mainly all of them are.
--Movies--
Like/Dislike:
Lord of the Rings:
StarWars:
The Wizard of Oz: ew
Willy Wonka:
Gone in 60 Seconds:
The Last of the Mohicans:
Dirty Dancing:.
Top Gun: no se.
Eddie and the Cruisers: love
Harry Potter Films:
Super Troopers: no.
Girl Interrupted: good movie.
The Neverending Story:
The Dark Crystal: ''
Cruel Intentions: thats a good movie.
Spaceballs: yay
Mean Girls:
American Pie: hah.
Pretty Woman: :)
Twelve Angry Men: funny.
The Land Before Time: awwe, that baby dino's mommy died..
First Knight: ...
Legend: ..
The Karate Kid: i turned that movie off.
Willow: yay
Miracle on 34th Street: no clue.
An Officer and a Gentleman: um..
Dragon Heart: ...
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: hah :D
--Scary/Horror Movie--
Like/Dislike-
The Ring: me gusta.
Darkness Falls: alright.
Stephen King's It: good
Psycho: good.
Halloween: yay
Friday the 13th: okay.
Children of the Corn: dang,
The Silence of the Lambs: love that movie.
Jaws: hmm
Poltergeist: good
The Birds: no se.
Signs: good.
The Sixth Sense: good
Thirteen Ghosts: meh, kind of boring.
--Disney Movies--
Like/Dislike--
Lady and the Tramp:
Alice in Wonderland:
Toy Story:
Monsters, Inc.: !!! love.
Dumbo: awe, that movies sad.
The Little Mermaid:
Finding Nemo: !! I LOVE THIS MOVIE TOO
The Lion King: tear
Bambi: :shrugs:
Peter Pan:
The Aristocats: yay
Beauty and the Beast:
Cinderella:
Sleeping Beauty:
Aladdin: these movies make me happy :)
--Do You--
Smoke Cigarettes: no.
Smoke anything else: no.
Drink Alcohol: yea
Abuse Alcohol: no.
Take Prescription Pills: yep
Have eleven toes: no?
Have twelve fingers: no..
Dance around the house naked: no.
Sing in the shower: no
Cry yourself to sleep at night: sometimes.
Wish you could run through a field of corn: yeah.
See dead people: id cry
Feel alone: yep
Feel loved: no
Love yourself: no
Hate yourself: sometimes.
Hate this survey yet: its long..
Like yellow snow: ew
Like snow at all: i liek snoaboarding
Like rain: yes.
Like the beach: yeah.
Like unicorns: what are they
Talk to yourself: sometimes.
Answer yourself: yeah.
Believe in love at first sight: yeah.
Believe in true love: yeah.
Believe in karma: yeah.
Believe in fate: yeah.
Belive in reincarnation: yea
Belive in heaven: no
Belive in hell: no
Believe in god: no.
Have a home phone: yeah.
Have a cell phone: yeah
Talk to your friends online: yeah.
Have AIM: yeah
Yahoo Messenger: no
MSN Messenger: yeah
Use an online blog: uhh?
Spend more time online then in real life: sometimes.
Have any pets: my kitty
Like spiders: never.
Pick your nose: no
Curse: yeah.
--Are You--
Scared of heights: no.
Afraid to die: no
Insane: sometimes.
Still actually taking this: unfortaintly.
Alone in this world: it feels liek it
Sad right now: kind of.
Happy right now: no.
Wishing you could beat me bloody for making this so long: no.
Hungry: si.
Tired: si.
Pretty: no
Popular: no.
Wicked: no.
Fun: no
--Word Association--
Apple: red.
Eye: love you
Bird: wings
Dog: berkjdf
Peanut: butter
Black: uhh
Winter: snow
Mother: fucker
Father: mean
Toothbrush: toothpaste
Lawyer: hmm
Fear: life
Toenails: polish.
Leg: fur.
Bracelett: peters
Dinner: food?
Fat: me.
Sneaky: get back here.
Mouse: click click
Grass: wet
Rock: show.
Fan: cold
Lightbulb: hot
Rabbit: fat
Pepper: yuck
Eggnogg: whast that
--Choose--
Red/Green: green
Winter/Summer: winter
Rain/Fog: rain
Night/Day: night
Moon/Star: both.
Daydream/Nightmare: daydream
Shirt/Shorts: shirt
Long/Short: depends...
Cat/Dog: kittie
Hamster/Fish: fishie?
Spoon/Knife: SPORK!
Taco Bell/Arby's: oh man, thats so tough...
Would you like fries with that: curly fries?!
Banana/Peach: banana
Girl/Boy: depends?
Silver/Gold: silver.
Tennis/Synchronized: :shrugs:
Blue/Orange: both.
Glass/Metal: glass
Beach/Wood: beach.
Paper/Plastic: both.
Coffee/Tea: nestea?
Carpet/Tile: carpet
Long Hair/Short Hair: depends
Facial Hair/Clean Shaven: no hair
Rock Climbing/Sky Diving: sky diving.
Starve/Dehydrate: neither
--Have You Ever--
held hands: :nods:
kissed someone: yes.
hugged someone: yes.
made out: :nod:
given oral: nah
recieved oral: nah
had sex: no comment
--Almost Done--
What time is it: 908 pm
What are you doing: eating a kudos and talking to liz cause shes super cool
What are you wearing: greay hoodie and jeans and everythign else but no socks
What are you watching: inuyasha the movie 2
What can you see: the tv
What can you hear: the tv
What's the last thing that you ate: a kudos
What's the last thing that you drank: squirt
Who's the last person you spoke to: spoke to how?
Who's the last person you instant messaged: liz
Who's the last perons you emailed: ashley
Who's the last person you talked on the phone: no one
When's the last time you said thank you: to stacys dad
When's the last time you said i love you: yesturday but i wasn theard
Who was it to: ...?
Did you mean it: maybe
Really: sure
That's good thanks: k
How far have you gone in a relationship: no comment.
If I were a cockroach would you squish me: no id poke you with a stick
Do you really just wish I'd hurry up and end this: uhh sure
If you could meet anyone alive or dead, who would it be: i dunno
Why: cause
Who is your mentor: no one
Who is your idol: no one
Do you watch American Idol: no.
What does Eeyore always lose: his friends
What's your dream job: nothing
Do you want to be a millionaire?: no
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[13 Mar 2005|02:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressi
veness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
and just about everythign in there is completly true.. i hate how something so simple can tell me just who i am.. its ludacris.
i feel empty.. call me crazy but i think im completly full..
kelsie wrote in a quiz thing that im the lonliest.. im not sure why.. it kind of hurt but i dont care cause i knwo she didnt mean it.. jsut wow i never thought i woudl be the lonliest friend of a girl who has millions of friends :/
<//3 even the happiest of thoughts arent making up for things anymore..
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[13 Mar 2005|01:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
wow today was alright.. lol..
i woke up to my phone ringing it was stacy.. lol i got ahold of my dad and then went to tstacys for my ride to the taste of chaos.. she had an extra ticket so everyone was calling people lol it was great.. we got there liek at liek 3ish and had to wait int eh cold lol.. then we were tryign to find the basement to buy shirts.. it was funny.. we were going back n forth then i lost them cause i didnt knwo what way they turned and then i was standing by teh bar looking for them and this girl asks if im sami and im liek yeah and it was LIZ haha i was scared/surprised/ecited.. haha.. i met her friends nicole and uhhhmmmm beth i think it was lol.. they seemed pretty coool. then i found stacy and left them.. lol then they all bought shirts and i got two free shirts that said touching is good.. then we went al the way upstairs and i foudn liz and gave her one cause it made me htink of our icons haha. then they went out into the crowd so i found uhh stacy again.. then we went downstairs to see underoath it was great.. i came back upstairs and saw liz again.. and thenstacy and then kept walking and i didnt see them the rest of the night so i talked to liz for a bit then jason came over.. he was in girl pants haha awe.. then liz and beth went into the crowd again so me an djason went and bought looked at t-shirts... then i came back up liek liz told me to an di waited for them while they watched senses fail.. and then jason left and i found them haha.. then uhh i dont remember but we came back up and walked around and then mcr played and liz pulled me into the crowd.. i got punched in teh face by some guy and i feel into aaron and he pulled me outa the crowd and we sat and then some drunk guy came and talked to me he was funny... then i found liz again and uhh they went downstairs again to buy shirts lol then we stood and watched the used then i coudlnt get ahold of stacy at the end and i thought i was gunna be lost.. but then i found her.. haha!
the night was alright.. i wish i would have been more into the bands .. but i was mostly into underoath senses fail bleed the dream and my american heart. lol.. i was bored the rest of the night..
then bert and the mcr singer kissed it was great!
Liz is really cool.. im glad i met her.. haha.. hopefully they come to the milwaukee warped tour so we can all hang out again and shit.. lol.. liz is so tiny.. she hugged me and it felt like i was hugging myself and no one was there.. lol...
haha.. peter and aaron are funny lol.. they look so much alike.. hahahahah
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[11 Mar 2005|10:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
S i went to the mall yesturday with justin.. we stole a bunch of shit it was jsut alot of fun..
today i went to the mall with robin. it was fun.. we followed some little girls around and got large slushies then uhh stoel some shoe laces for beki haha.. i ganked you those shoelaces hoe!
then robin got into a figh with some girl haha.. they were buggin gus all night.. saw Ben and ryan and jared and some other kids... lol ben tickled me and i played with ryans head.. cory and some shor tboy were there awe.. then i saw randi.. eww i threw a giant ball i boght for likw 1/49$ at her head and then i threw candi at her.. and then we left.. it was jsut fun..
now i have a massive pain in my neck and it wont go away.. i think im going to watch my inuyasha dvd tonight.. i heart shippo..
i miss ben .. unfortunatly.. i also miss some other certain anonymous person.
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[10 Mar 2005|10:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cranky |
] |
today we had an early release.. it sucked..
Ben scared me and was acitng liek he used to but he had a talk with me about something i wrote in a text to ryan.. meh.
i had to make up a science test an english test and a history test from yesturday haha.
i went to the mall with Justin today it was great we stole a bunch of shit and i bought my inuyasha dvds!!!!!
im supposed to go back to the mall tomorrow with Robin.. i dunno.. we're planning on walking there after school haha.. this shoudl be interesting seing her without clay !! lol..
Randi can burn in a car accident she sold my ticket and now everyones going on saturday but me
ps thanks for nothing <^>
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[09 Mar 2005|01:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
im too cool for school! haha
im not sure why im not at school right now.. but my dad said i wasnt going..
i woke up crying and dont know why.. this whoel depression thing seems to be coming back to me.. i thoguht i was out of this from like last year.
i steal alot.. its not even good stuff.. hah..
i miss school.. i hate being at home when no one is around but me.. it makes me feel like killing myself..
gah.. why cant i get these thoughts out of my head? i was fine for so long.. and now jsut out of no where boom i dont want to live.. gha i hate it.. i hate waking up with the option of jsut overdosing so much i passout and dont have to live that day.maybe i should just do that today even though its 130 and school lets out in an hour.
im very cold.. i jsut want to go back to bed
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[07 Mar 2005|03:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
i dont get it.
nope not one bit.
im not the least bit depressed.
i havent cry'd or cut in the longest time.
yet honestly i just dont want to live.
im not sure why i just dont.
im not trying to run away from something
cause i have nothing to run away from.
i dunno maybe it would make things better if i just did end my life like kirsten wanted?
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[04 Mar 2005|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
well nothing really great happened today.
science - did a lame lab
ceramics- another movie
algebra- listened to music
englihs- walked wiht beki kari and jj and put a condom in jjs backpack she just now found it cause i told her to look for something haha.
lunch- sat with beki and them whiel they fought baout a mirror and locker comb.
History - watched a mvoie and wrote.
health- called home and had fun wiht adams and then watched a movie
study hall- talked to doherty and went to eh leaisen office with him then went to study hall.
i got make up work for skipping 6th hour so much haha.. go me.
and now i sit here waiting for my mom to call back.. so i knwo when shes coming.. hmm i have to pee
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[03 Mar 2005|03:10pm] |
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<//3 Ben broke up with me today :( meh i think i knew it was coming.. i could just tell.. i had to stand there for liek an hour while he made jokes about it and then he went to his 7th hour class and i cryed for liek an hour :(
im fialing history i have liek 20 missing assignments from when i skipped.. kelsie talked ot mangi about getting me into 5ht hour history and 6th hour lunch.. im happy.. the only reaosn i didnt in the first place was cause of ben and now hes gone so why not.
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autumnstomorrow's journal